Breaking the Cycle

The defining trope of my childhood was that I was the underdog. I was the picked-on, the teased, the friendless, sitting alone on the playground with a book. This shaped my self-image for a long time, and is still something I struggle with today.

From conversations with my father and brother, I know that they had similar experiences, so I have been, consciously or unconsciously, waiting for the same thing to happen with BB.

This morning, he and I had a long talk on the way to school, about friends and teasing and getting along. It seems to be that he's a pretty happy kid. I asked him about a teasing incident he'd mentioned to me fron a couple of weeks ago, and he seemed surprised that I remembered. It hasn't affected his friendship with the boy in question. I asked him if he had a best friend, and he told me it was hard to pick one, and he has at least four candidates. My best friend was always just the one who picked on me least.

I'm beginning to have some hope. Not just that BB himself will escape his school years with self-esteem intact, but that maybe the whole system has gotten better. At the very least, I feel proud of my son, who is growing up to be a good and decent young man who has a hard time even grasping the concept of bullying.

Techno-what? or Where's Karl on Thursdays?

Friends have been asking me what's up with the "Techno-fast" thing I've been doing on Thursdays. Some are even taking great delight in catching me out if they see any online activity from me that day. I'm glad that people are interested, and I thought I'd write it up and give everyone the facts.

The first thing I want to say is that this is my own thing. I do this for myself, and I'm not advocating it for anyone else, nor am I judging or condemning anyone else's actions. It's all about me (isn't everything?) :-)

This all started when I participated in Adbusters' Digital Detox (https://www.adbusters.org/campaigns/digitaldetox) back in April. I became aware of it at a time when I was struggling with the parts that the Internet and technology play in my life. As I told some friends recently, the Internet taught me how to make and keep friends, and many of my most important relationships are with people I know online, but it also came close to losing me a job. I learned a few things about myself during that week, but it was a one-shot deal.

Then, this summer, Kim and I participated in a Bible study called The Hurried Family. The class was great for us, helping us get some perspective on the things that we do and the reasons we do them. The class featured weekly challenges, and one of them was to pick a day and give up something technological. So I chose Thursday, and chose to do a mini-Detox that day. I enjoyed it so much that I'm working to make it a weekly thing.

So, here are some of the questions that arise:

What exactly am I giving up?

At a minimum, I go 24 hours without watching a television or using a computer for personal reasons. Since my job requires me to stay on top of e-mail and to help patrons with online research, I can't really give up computers completely.

In addition, I try to keep from sending text messages. I don't listen to the radio or CDs in the car. As much as possible, I try not to be a consumer of media for that one day a week.

There are a few exceptions. I continue to read, and since I use GoodReads to track my reading, if I finish a book or start a new one, I still record that. That's why you might see something pop up on facebook or Twitter about what I'm reading. Also, in an emergency, all bets are off. I'll use whatever I need.

Why??

At first, the main reason was to challenge myself. Can I do this? Am I an addict, or could I quit if I needed to?

The reasons that I continue to do it are more esoteric. A good friend once told me he envied my ability to be by myself. He was impressed that I didn't have to be around people all the time. In recent years I've become aware that, even when I'm alone, I surround myself with distractions. Often I'm doing multiple things (watching TV, knitting, and checking social networks is pretty common) so that there's never a moment when I'm at rest. This has meant that my ability to be truly alone and introspective has atrophied. Turning off all that stuff and giving myself some silence has been helpful in this way.

There's also an element of mindfulness in all this. More about that next.

Am I adding anything?

Well, I'm continuing to read, knit, and crochet, so I do a bit more of that than I would otherwise.

The other thing is, when I feel the urge to pull out my BlackBerry and update my status, or check Twitter, or do any of the other things I usually do, I stop and think. Why am I doing that? What's motivating me? Am I feeling lonely? Is there something really interesting I want to share? Am I just bored and looking for distraction? Increased self-awareness has become an important part of this experiment.

Something else I've been doing recently is making those times an opportunity for prayer. Did I want to Tweet something cute that one of the kids is doing? Offer up a prayer of thanksgiving. Did I want to post a photo of something cool I saw? Praise God for the wonder of his creation. Am I unhappy? Angry? Lonely? Ask God for help and guidance. This is a significant change for me, as my prayer life is usually confined to specific events.

What am I learning?

I can do this. I can make the commitment, follow through, and stick with it.

I'm not as important as I think I am. The Internet is not going to fall apart if I don't participate in discussions for one day. :-)

When I need something, I'm learning non-technological ways to get it. If I do personal research at the library, I use books. When I have time at home with the kids, the TV has to be off, so we play and read and do other things.

So, that's all very long-winded, and probably boring to some, but I hope it helps the curious to understand what I'm doing and why. Thanks for reading it all!

Fort Cute

The boys built a fort this morning while TS had breakfast. Once she was done she crashed the party, literally. BB rebuilt with an added blanket so it was big enough for all three. They seem to be enjoying themselves.

My First Ponytail

Well, it's not MY first. That would have been sometime in my senior year of high school. This is TS's first, though. Isn't she precious?

Elmo is a Good Listener

LB decided to get out his guitar and try a few licks to show off for the Elmo puppet.

LB Leaps In

The boys are starting swimming lessons today. BB didn't get in the water due to a scheduling mixup, but LB had a great time, despite getting a bit nervous toward the end

One-Skillet Kraut Dinner

Kim can't stand sauerkraut. She won't even have it in the house when she's around, so it's traditional for me to make it when she goes out of town, because I love the stuff.

Since she and BB are on the campout this weekend, it's kraut night for me! This is how I did it:

Ingredients:
2# canned or jarred sauerkraut (get the best you can find/afford)
10-16oz kielbasa or other smoked sausage
1 Granny Smith Apple
1 small red onion
1.5tsp whole caraway seeds (may sub fennel or anise, or leave out altogether)
2T apple cider vinegar
salt

Prep:
Drain kraut thoroughly (I used a salad spinner). Slice sausage on the bias into 1/4" elongated rounds. Peel, core, and chop the apple. Halve the onion and slice thinly to create half-rings.

Cooking:
Heat cast-iron skillet five minutes over medium heat. Toast caraway seeds for 30-60 seconds or until fragrant, then remove and set aside. Brown sausage coins for 2 minutes per side, remove and set aside. Sweat onions in sausage fat with sprinkling of salt until softened. Deglaze pan with vinegar, cooking down until concentrated. Add apples and cook until they take on color. Stir in caraway and kraut. Cook for about three minutes to bring out flavors. Top with sausage, cover, and let all steam for two minutes to finish softening apples.

I ate it with chopsticks. :-)

Single Dad for a Day or Two

Kim and BB are at a Scout campout for the weekend. I've got the littlies. My only goal is to get out of the house once a day. Today we accomplished that with some errands, including a stop at the Herman and Kate Kaiser Library, where TS made the acquaintance of the giant bunny.